Confession#1: You’re getting this because a most unfortunate thing happened – both my hard drives have given up the ghost, and literally all my episodes of Geordie Shore were on those things. Hard to recap something when you haven’t even watched it yet.
Confession#2: The reason I picked Kingdom in particular – and I’m sure you guys can understand me on this one – is because of those Nick jonas pictures. You know, these Nick Jonas pictures. Yeah.
Confession#3: My curiosity was further piqued when I found out that Frank Grillo was also in this show. C’mon, I know y’all watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Frank Grillo is as total DILF.
Confession#4: This thing is actually going to start right after the cut!
Where we left off: Everybody was talking about Gaz’s penis. Penis, penis, penis. Sophie has put the Year of the Slut on pause. Holly has trouble remembering if she’s cheating on her boyfriend or not. Vicky is starting to question the patriarchy. Also, penis.
This episode: Charlotte is in a river in Egypt, Vicky is revealed to be a wordsmith, and…a gay gangbang?
The only thing I know about Geordie Shore is that it’s a spin-off of the now defunct MTV reality series, Jersey Shore. I had pretty much no interest in it, in much the same way I had no interest in Jersey Shore.
That doesn’t mean that bits and pieces of both shows haven’t made their way onto my radar. If you check out my book blog, you’ll see that I actually read and reviewed Snooki’s debut novel, “A Shore Thing”. (Spoiler: I didn’t like it.) And Geordie Shore kept popping up on the blogs I frequent because people can’t seem to stop talking about Gary “Gaz” Beadle’s parsnip.
And usually I’m all about the parsnips, because I am — as Daffyd Thomas would put it — a gay and that’s all gays think about, really, but I just never felt the need to actually invest time in watching this show that the Metro has dubbed a “gaudy kaleidoscope”. It just didn’t seem like it was worth the effort, you know?
And you know what I found out about myself? That I am a weak man with no standards and that I should probably hate myself for all eternity. So I downloaded four seasons of Geordie Shore, and hopefully, finish it around the time the latest season stops airing in the UK. Or at least that’s the plan, because my initial plan of reading Tyra Banks’ “Modelland” in less than 20 weeks has now stretched all the way to A YEAR AND A HALF.